I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
