i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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