I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
