Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize