Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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