i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
