SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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