Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
