just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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