I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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