YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
