She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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