Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
