Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Did I show you my penis last night?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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