i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
