do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
