everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
