So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
