i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
