It's Friday. Sex?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
