Moan for me like Helen Keller
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
