Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
