i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
