apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
