Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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