We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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