The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
