Can Purell be used as lube?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
