He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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