I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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