I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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