If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
