Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
