Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
