How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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