I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
