i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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