Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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