Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
