i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
