I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
