did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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