Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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