He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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