it wasn't lemon gatorade
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
