Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
