Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
