I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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