you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
