I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
