I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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