Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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