pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
